Dear Texas

I’m writing to relieve you, not to deceive you
I just want to share with you what I think you should do
Align with a power that will never cower when things go sour
And you know it’s a safe bet, I’m talkin’ about the Soviet

I know you crave cessation from US tyranny
Want to get out of dodge and create your own country
That all sounds very cool but you would play the fool
It’s not very likely you will get much more
than the South ever got from your first civil war

Your former country will attack you, yes America will sack you
pack you into much smaller boxes than you’re already in
America will disavow you, America will not allow you
to celebrate your heroes or erect a single statue

Don’t think you can do this thing with flesh and bone
You won’t even have a cemetery you can call your own
Your only memoriam will be a crematorium
and the voices in your ashes will have no names

I’m writing to relieve you, not to deceive you
I just want to share with you what I think you should do
Align with a power that will never cower when things go sour
Avoid annihilation, join the Russian Federation

I will close with the best incentive I can think to present
We already own the US President

Sincerely

Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin